Give Me a Reason

I love Facebook. And that’s sarcastically.

My father has been active on Facebook for the first time in a while. And what he posts bothers me, because it’s unfortunately in line with what I already know about him.

Now that the crumbling of his marriage is known to his family and others, and the damage to his “standing” in the eyes of others is over and done, he is doing exactly what I expected.

Thank you [Sister’s Name]…You are the only thing that holds me together. Love you so much! I will always be here for you. I am sorry your mother ([Stepmother’s Name]) is so sick. Lets pray that the courts and the mental health profession give her the help she so desperately needs. Only you and I know what she has put us through these past 12 years. I am sorry for all the things you had to see and endure and I should have ended it long ago… please forgive me. I only stayed with your mom because I loved her and tried to protect her from herself. I have failed at both.

Well. There’s a number of problems here. One is, my sister is still trying to help him despite the way he has treated her. Two, he is building himself up as someone who actively tried to help his wife.

As for item one, maybe it will take my sister more time to see what kind of person he is. Sometimes evidence stares us prolongedly in the face and we do not see it. Some might say it’s noble to help someone regardless of how they’ve treated you, despite the fact they will never change. I say go for it, if you enjoy altruistic pain. I already have a parent, one who isn’t really a parent but never harmed me, that will be dependent on me for the rest of my life. One is enough. I do not enjoy parenting parents, especially ones that vastly inflate their beneficial impact on my life.

As for item two, it’s as expected. Now that he can no longer ignore the problem in his efforts to save face, he is now acting as if he nobly endured my stepmother’s troubles and his actions and lack of actions were not an important factor in what happened. Blameless, guiltless, a saint for doing nothing or next to nothing. Getting psychiatric help for himself or his wife was not something he’d ever do. To him, only crazy, bad people need therapy. He certainly used it as a threat to me when I was growing up. Now that his face-decreasing wife is out of the picture, he can smugly comment on how glad he is that she is getting help by means of the court.

I suppose his ability to mentally elevate himself to such a high place with so little justification is why I don’t want him in my life. He will never be at fault. He will never be responsible. His bare minimum has always been worthy of praise, to him. It was only a matter of time before his mammoth ego recovered.

In addition to racist and religious-patriotic posts, there’s this gem, which I surmise is targeted at me. All publicly viewable, of course.

Adorable. Just adorable.

I don’t love him. I don’t miss him. He will never hear those words from me. I still wish that he could, because I wish I had a father I could feel those things about.

There is no place in his heart for anyone but him. If he misses me, it’s because he misses the feeling of being worshiped and adored. Who better but your adult children to guilt into that?

I need a better reason than “I contributed sperm and fed you, while not giving a damn about anything else.” Give me one.

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