Well, I’m pretty sure yesterday’s post was just a straight out PMS post. Nothing like vomiting angry thoughts all over the screen, though I suppose that is a reasonably healthy way to deal with it.
I’ve been doing some writing. Mainly just fleshing out concepts and scenes in my head from the long-time story I’ve been working on since I was a wee girl-boy. Now, since this story is optimally a graphic novel, I also need to be doing some drawing too. I really need to find a way to minimize the time wasted at home, either goofing off on the internet, watching the vidyas, or not doing housework.
Given that I’m on first shift again, I should start thinking about how to regulate myself a little more. I think that at least part of my depression comes from the complete lack of routine and structure in my life. I go to bed when I feel like it, early or late, and I get up whenever I feel like it, mostly late. And when I go to bed, it can sometimes be a half hour to an hour before I fall asleep. A big factor there is my uncontrolled caffeine consumption. I drink maybe 10 cans of diet soda a day, regardless of the hour. ::points at blog title:: I *am* a legbeard, you know. Excessive soda intake is how I roll.
And, I know why I drink so much caffeine. It’s because I self-medicate for ADD, something I was correctly diagnosed with as a child, and still suffer from today. I also have a fixation on fizzy drinks. If it doesn’t fizz, I’m not into it.
An easy solution to this would be to actually medicate myself for ADD. Find a doctor, get my brain something to perk it up. My thoughts have always come a mile a minute, with three or four things going on at once. My focus is shiz unless I’m doing something I’m interested in. I find my line of work, programming, actually works for it, as when I program I go into periods of hyper-focus.
So, the order of operations is thus:
1. Find doctor, get ADD medicated.
2. Quit drinking so much soda, start drinking coffee or tea. I am internally cringing at that, the diet Dew monkey is shrieking from its perch on my back.
2.5. Start meditating.
3. Start going to bed and waking up consistently.
4. Quit wasting my free time. Start scheduling myself for writing, drawing, exercising, and learning the piano. Also plan for outings, such as to the indoor market or farmer’s market.
5. Improve dat hygiene.
6. Perform house de-cluttering, so I don’t have to think about how much excess stuff I own. It’s distracting.
7. Start setting my sights on quitting smoking for reals this time.
Ooh noo, I’ve started making plans I can’t follow through on! Meh. One thing at a time.
I need someone to come in and manage my life for me. Like a drill instructor who just busts into my office bellowing,”PRIVATE ARE YOU ON REDDIT?? DROP AND GIVE ME THREE SKETCHES OF NAKED PEOPLE!”
Now accepting applications. I think my husband needs one too.