Reasons, Reasons, But No End in Sight

The reasons I’m unhappy right now.

1. Despite working full time with a high paying career, I’m still *just a woman.* The burdens of caring for a house still fall on me alone in addition to 40 hours a week of working. I have tried talking to him about how we need to be a partnership. That I can’t be his mommy that picks up and cleans up after him. It’s.. Almost insulting the way he looked at me and said,”I don’t notice when things get dirty. Just tell me when I need to do things.” Fack you.

2. I have no one to talk to. Our two “closest friends” are really just his friends, and they don’t want to hear me vent. My own friends can’t relate, some are housewives and none of them earn a high paying salary.
I can try to vent and seek advice from people online, only to be chastized by the husband and our close “friends” about putting my personal problems online. Well, if I had anyone to talk to, would I need to vent to strangers?

3. The dependapotamous that is my mother. There is very little hope in me she’ll change for the better and start caring for herself.

4. Every day I wake up and find myself unwilling to get out of bed, because I dislike my job so much. It is tedious, the culture and atmosphere are one I have trouble standing. I’d go into more details but losing the job is not yet feasible.

There is no one in my life who will just listen to me. Absolutely no one. Not even the therapist, who I can only see at her convenience.

The desire to just uproot and disappear is strong and pervasive right now. I don’t want to be a wife. I don’t want to be a “woman.” I want to be who I am, someone who just happens to have female parts. I am not lesser. I am not obligated to housework because of my chest glands. I am not a slave. I won’t be any adult man’s mommy.


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