Tomorrow’s my birthday. Husband’s leaving town tonight, to go to Gencon. I’ll be all by my lonesome from Thursday to Sunday. Which is okay, I might get a little lonely. Or, I might have kickass fun, derping around the house playing music and movies as loud as I want and not having to control myself. Or both.
I don’t know. I just always feel.. freer when alone. I always have. Probably a consequence of childhood, where everything I did when other people were around was just always.. wrong and bad. Reading books? Why aren’t you out socializing? What are you doing, skulking around the house like you belong here? It didn’t matter what I did, it was just wrong and bad. And that feeling has persisted to adulthood- other people won’t just let you be. You have to put on a performance any time someone else is around. Be proper. Be gender-appropriate. It doesn’t enure me to human contact when all human contact seems to be horrible.
But I do get lonely. I suppose I want to have my cake and eat it too- be alone as I please but have human contact at the drop of a hat. It doesn’t quite work that way though. You have to keep and maintain relationships to be able to sate that need. There seems to be a conflict between my need to live judgement free and my need for human contact. It’s not like I do anything too nuts when alone- I might derp around the house spazzing out and giggling, I enjoy being able to go from room to room without having to stop and have conversations every single time. I focus better, knowing there will be no interruptions.
So, plans for alone time.
1. Run around the house mostly naked while making idiot noises.
2. DRAW AND WRITE!!! I got the tablet Husband bought working, finally, after four days. It turns out doing what the manual explicitly tells you not to do is the trick.
3. Maybe do some cleaning and sorting of stuff in the garage and closets.
4. Maybe deep-clean the carpet in my office. Husband dropped a plate of curry chicken on the floor in there. Curry doesn’t come up. It dyes everything a faint shade of orange. As much as I’ve applied oxy-clean and hot water, the stain is still there and the room probably smells faintly of old curry. This idea is labor intensive, and involves dragging furniture out of my office.
5. Set up workout room.
Plans for my birthday? Slothful self-indulgence. Broken up by maybe going out to dinner with my half-sister and mother.
The next couple of days are gonna be gud.