Another Obsessive Weight Loss Post

Barely a week on keto and I’m fixated.

The nicest thing about weight loss is feeling your fatty fat begin to loosen up, becoming more squishy as it disappears.

I also look forward to being able to see my hand tendons and collar bones again.

Another nice thing, I have boxes of clothes to re-open and try on as time goes by.

A note to potential weight-losers: always weigh yourself after the daily deuce. I weighed myself today, only to be disappointed, then an hour later I used the bathroom. Oh well, maybe tomorrow I’ll get a number I like.

I do this. I get so excited at the weight loss process. What’s my number today? Are my clothes starting to feel loose? I always want these things to happen so fast that I forget about what I have to motivate me when I reach my goal weight.

That’s why I gained back the weight the first time. I was so fixated on the weight loss I gave no energy to the thought of maintenance.

I’ve got to remember my primary goal: don’t feel like sh1t anymore. That is a goal that can stand the test of time, I think.

Last night I did my two mile walk and I sailed through it, even the quarter-mile slope of doom. My heart rate was far lower than the previous walk, on Saturday. I may need to start intermittently jogging. Not too much, because this weight bouncing up and down on my joints isn’t good. Small transitions to more and more speed and distance.

I need to get on the squat rack at home. I’m not looking forward to the DOMs, the soreness that lasts days for me. But I’ve put it off long enough. I’ve got powder protein drink that is keto safe. Time to keep that lean mass while the fat disappears. The first time I lost weight, I was lifting and running regularly and I kept all of my lean mass, which tends to decrease along with fat on a diet.

The body fat analysis I paid for at my lowest weight (155) indicated I had 122 pounds of lean mass. Anyone who likes to tell me I don’t have a large frame, there’s your flucking evidence. There’s no fat in that number, just skin and bone and muscle. My body, without ANY fat, weighs as much as an average, slightly built female.

It will be extremely difficult to go below 155lbs, because 155-122=33 lbs of body fat. 33/155 total is about 22% body fat. That’s on the lower end of the “fitness” body fat percentage, getting close to “athlete” level body fat. I tried to go that low. I stalled for quite a long time at 155, though, and my body was happy at that weight. I was fit. I miss that, and I’ll go back. And I’ll stay there, because being fit, for me, means not feeling like sh1t.

I could easily go, “waaah, waaah, I won’t ever have the socially-coveted “120lbs or below” weight that a woman is supposed to have.” In fact I did whine about it, in the past. Not any more.

I’m going to make a promise to myself: When the weight comes off this time, I’ll get the excess skin taken off once I’ve kept the weight off for two years, minimum. I will get surgery, and I will not pay attention to idiots who tell me “excess skin is fine, don’t get surgery.” It’s my goddamn body and my goddamn money, and I will modify it as I please. Can you tell I’ve had this conversation before? Because I have.


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