Shiftless Layabout Gold-digging Bum

In the weight loss front: I’m down to 193 pounds, or 87.5kg, or 13.7 stone, or 0.0965 tons. For a total loss, so far, of 48 lbs. I’m not converting that.

Some other exciting life developments lately. Husband and I have decided it’s likely in my best interest to leave my job. I’m not thriving here. As I told him, I do not act like someone that wants to be here. And it shows, I am sure that my reputation here has been irrevocably damaged.

It’s both liberating and heart breaking. My company has been very, very good to me- they brought me out of poverty and into financial security. My husband and I now have a home we own free and clear. But I do not find I enjoy what I do anymore. I’ve spent nearly six years here.. and part of me feels horrible at throwing it away.

But not having a mortgage or any debt means.. Freedom. I could live off my savings for three years, if I wanted. Which I won’t. Freedom means I can now do whatever I want, for a little while at least. I could enjoy a leisurely few months off, and begin working part time somewhere. I could freelance my skills. Work half the year, be off the other half. Instead of a daily grind, I could work when and how I want.

I am, of course, preparing myself for a backlash from anyone reading this, or from anyone I know who finds out I left my job voluntarily. It’s likely to be negative. The great thing is, I don’t have to care. I know part of it is envy. “How dare you not work when I have to! How dare you not work when your spouse is working!” We’ve been wildly successful, more than I ever dreamed.. So suck it.

The terrors I had about becoming homeless seem farther and farther away every day, like ages 16-25 were just a bad dream.

The world.. Seems like my banana. Or my oyster. Whatever food item.

Of course, during my time off I have goals. I need to add structure to my life, since the structure of a formal work environment will be gone. I’ve already discussed them with DH, but I might as well flesh them out here.

  1. Learn to love mornings
    1. I’ve been a night owl most of my life. Consistency in rising and going to bed is non-existent. Part of that is some sort of inner rebellion at being forced to rise when told to. I’ve had a problem with this most of my life. But, on the few occasions I’ve got up before 9, other than being exceptionally groggy and irritable, it was nice. To hear the morning birds, see the sun rise, etcetera. So, let’s do it. Let’s start loving mornings.
  2. STRUCTURE STRUCTURE STRUCTURE. As my husband said,”You rack disciprine.” This is related to item 1, but item 1 is important enough to have its own item. I need to rise consistently at the same time every day. I need to shower. I need to brush my teeth. I need to eat breakfast, I need to prepare something simple for dinner. (Husband and I agreed, 4/7 days a week I can make dinner. Fine with me.) I need to adhere to a daily schedule, something that is.. REALLY difficult for me to manage.
  3. House stuff. There’s lots of little annoying things off about our house. Attic is in shambled. Too many possessions. Deck needs work. Landscaping. Fix all the things!
  4. Draw and write. For the love of glob, draw and write.
  5. Update my atrophied programming skills.
  6. Lastly, and most importantly, decompress!

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